Inside Me is a project that highlights how we fight internal battles everyday but sometimes choose to suffer in silence. The stories below provide a glimpse into the lives of people who were vulnerable and brave enough to speak up. The objective of this project is to increase compassion and advocacy. You never know what someone else may be going through. Instead of tearing each other down, let's lift each other up! Be your own advocate by searching for resources, reaching out to a loved one, making a counseling appointment, or accessing other services that may provide support.

You Are In Control of Your Own Happiness

In 2019, Chamylah was the keynote speaker at Children's Aid Society's Scholarship Award Ceremony and 20th Annual Golf Classic Fundraiser. The importance of navigating fear with courage and embracing the power of choice were discussed.

Being Bullied as a Black Woman

Most of my issues stem from low-self esteem. Growing up, I used to live in Brooklyn around Black kids. When I moved to The Bronx and I was around the Hispanic kids and they never saw anyone dark as me. I got called ”ugly,” “fat,” and “a man.” “I got called "Shaq lady" because I was tall and Black. I would see Black guys go after the lighter-skinned girls. There was a lot of ignorance and bullying, but I just pretty much learned to love myself.

Feeling Hopeless as a Black Man

I always kill myself trying to compare myself to people. That's another reason why I start to lose hope sometimes. I got a little better at what I do. I continued to create. I just want to use my voice to get people to build their own platform if it’s not there already. I want everybody to be heard. I want to use my process and my voice to continue to tell people to do what they want to do.

Highlighting Alternatives for Conflict Resolution

Guns should be given to people who have good mental health. I believe that people who have guns should have a good reason as to why you own a gun. Why are people shooting innocent kids? If you have a problem, don’t resort to violence. Get help from family members or anyone who is close to you. If you get bullied or feel sad, resort to happiness and ask for help because help is the best thing.

Navigating Grief and Low Self-Esteem Through Poetry

I’m from this little place known as Little Jamaica in the Baychester area. Life throws you curveballs. I got invited into the National Honors Society of Leadership and Success. That was on of my greatest achievements. There was a lot going on. I think around that time my godsister had passed away, which was rally hard for me. I was also mourning my grandmother’s death. It was just a lot of emotions going on. I’ve always struggled with self-esteem. When you’re in a society that tells you, “Your hair isn’t supposed to be curly,” “You’re supposed to be a certain size,” it kind of diminishes who you are able or allowed to be. I didn’t get comfortable with myself until recently. I was in a very dark space. Growing up, I wasn’t comfortable with my skin, I wasn’t comfortable with my boob size, I wasn’t comfortable with my body. In your 20s, you’re still trying to figure stuff out. There was a point where I struggled with my anxiety, until I said “I’m going to therapy.” Your journey is about you. Let other people around you help you. Let them grow with you and you guys grow together. You are not alone. Other people are feeling the same way you’re feeling and we’re here for you. I’m going to share my poetry pieces. I will allow people to hear my voice and how loud it is. I won’t be silent. I won’t stop.

Being Doubted as A Member of the LGBTQ+ Community

The world is so homophobic. They don’t want to see us win. They’re used to having strong, masculine, heterosexual figures. It’s not easy. It’s like, once they find out that you’re gay, everything goes downhill. No one wants to believe in you, but we’re more accepted now than before. There was a time when I was going back and forth with being bisexual, but after my experience with a guy, I’ve been gay ever since. We don’t have that many platforms for inspiration. When people hear someone is gay, they automatically assume you want to be a girl. I want to put a stop to it. I’m just a regular guy who happens to like guys. There were people who didn’t believe in me. They constantly shamed me and put me down. I had those moments when I was like “I don’t know if I can do this.” It takes time to build confidence, but what’s key is not letting things get to you. Let it go in through one ear and out the other. Whatever ideas you have, you can always make it happen. Believe in yourself.

Using Video Games to Fight Depression

My family is from Gambia, which is in West Africa. My ultimate goal is to make people happy and I’m a huge nerd. I’m unhappy because I am not comfortable with my current place in the world. Depression is something I had to deal with literally my entire life. My mother told me that she regretted having me when I was 8. She was like “I don’t know why I ever had you. This is why your sister is better.” I was getting bullied in school. I just felt alone. I couldn’t talk to anyone. I was angry. I still have anger issues because of it. I’m a lot more patient than I was back then. Now, it’s a lot better. One week I decided to try to commit suicide. I went to the park next to my school. I was about to stab myself in the stomach. Somebody in the building screamed out to me, “Stop, what are you doing? What’s wrong with you?” Videogames is a distraction for me. It distracts me from what’s going on in my head. Videogames, in general, saved my life. If I ever felt down or horribly sad, I could just pick up my favorite game, play that for like 3 hours, and I would be perfectly fine. I usually only ask for help when it’s really necessary, which is why I went and got a therapist. I sought out help by talking to people and tried to be more positive.

Addressing Gun Violence as a Minority

Every day in the hood, you witness somebody gone; somebody shot again due to the proliferation of guns. In Harlem, I had a gun and thought about using it but I threw it out. For a person like me who doesn’t have beef with anyone, I don’t have a reason to have a gun, but it’s hard when you live in a neighborhood where everyone else has one. They don’t want to fight. They want to go get their guns. I know how my anger gets sometimes, so I threw the gun out before I even thought about using it because it’s not worth it at the end of the day.

Using Confidence to Fight Body-Shaming

They called me fat. I was fat. Growing up, I was heavy but I was confident. It was annoying, but I got girls. I’m different. Other people probably would’ve gone through a deep depression, but I knew how to fight.

Thinking About Suicide While Lonely

Sometimes it feels like you can’t really talk to people. Overthinking is a part of why I had depression. I thought about everything I did wrong. You’re sitting down alone and you’re thinking about all the stuff that you should be doing and you just can’t. You just can not do it. Sometimes people may think suicide is the only way out of thinking, but it’s not. It’s not the only way out. Suicide is something that went through my head. I never fully got to that point, but you realize that suicide is not the only way to stop overthinking. You just have to know how to cope with it and control yourself and even distract yourself sometimes.